Towards the ‘Tomorrow’..

Days, months, years go by and before we know it, we’re older & hopefully, wiser than ever before. Through these days, months and years we meet people, we take up jobs, we read, we learn but on that day when you look back and count the number of years gone by, it seems as though nothing and no one stayed with you anymore. Sure, you must have the goodwill, experiences and memories – but it all doesn’t walk with you for every single day of the rest of your life.

What stays with you is what you took away from every relationship, job and event in your life – what you learnt and what made you a better person. So, the only thing one has gained from their past is what they are today, and if you are not your best self today – most learned, wisest and most refined self – have those experiences really been worthwhile?

Things you do in life ought to have a purpose for you. Think before you do anything, for fun, for love, for growth, for anything – how am I helping ‘tomorrow me’? And think what ‘yesterday you’ has done for what you are today, just like I am now!


Just Another Chapter..

I have been back home for a few days now, and to be fair – everyone’s been quite kind to me. So many familiar people, so much to share with them and love about them. I am sure this is going to somewhat die down once the weddings and festivities end in a few days’ time. But the truth is, it almost feels like I was never gone, it feels like I have so much more to show for my time and years gone by, we’ve all grown older and wiser (hopefully), but yet we love and live like we always have.

It feels like I am in a safe place, when I am here – lesser to worry about, but I definitely need to get on my own two feet soon and get my life onto a purposeful path. Having said all of this, I also realised today what the bitterest thing about being back was: approval. As I have so many around me who love and relate to me and are with me through each day, they happen to take this upon themselves to quality and approve mine and each other’s decisions and lives. Similarly, they share all the happiness and sorrows.

A deeper thought into this makes me wonder if this is just specific to the culture in Pakistan, or may be no matter where you had all your family and friends, there will be expectations and those who meet them, and those who don’t.

It’s just another great chapter of life, with its own highs and lows – All I can say is that I have no regrets because I have lived and loved every bit of it, so far…

The Unexpected

Like every other person, I imagine how things might turn out in the future and how I ‘d feel about them at that point. And when I pictured finishing grad school and moving back home, after having lived and loved every bit of London and its people, I pictured it to be a transition full of nostalgia and push-pull. But that’s not how it turned out – Earlier this evening I found myself at a train station, on my way back from a farewell coffee-dinner#1-dinner#2 completely emotional and overwhelmed with all the love which people around me had shown to me, with their lovely presents, gestures and time.

At that moment I felt like my four years at university have really been worth it. Because I have not only achieved two degrees with distinctions, I have also earned lots and lots of love, which makes it all the more fulfilling.

I am not sure what exactly the future will hold for me, but it feels great to know that you have done justice to all that has come your way. Surprisingly, I am not sad, disappointed or upset – I am overwhelmed, thankful and anxious.

It is funny how life turns out so different from what you imagine. And most unexpectedly, how your feelings towards things turn out so much differently from what you imagine – This is why I think one must never define strictly every single route they want to take in life and abide by it no matter what. You never know what’s going to make you tick at different times in life, and thus you should always be open minded, not just for others – but for yourself.

Nearing the end of a beginning..

We all knew moving back was not going to be the easiest thing for me to get around – but I think I have come to accept it in stages, one after the other and as it is only a few weeks away now I can clearly see how this is going to pan out and I am starting to realise what makes this stage such a scary one.

There’s two fears kicking in here. First, is the fear that almost everyone at this stage has – which is to be growing up to damn fast with time just flying by. For most people: they finish university, get a job, get promoted …. And it just goes on – there’s not one day when you stop and tell yourself, so today xyz phase of your life has come to an end. For me this is not going to be the case. For me the day I sit in that plane with my single ticket, I know this journey would have come an end, I know this huge chunk and lot of achievements would have come to their completion. Which is an amazing yet a scary thought. It is amazing to know I have completed my Masters and Bachelors, that too with distinctions, which has opened to many doors for me. I have met so many amazing people, gone to so many amazing places and experienced so much. But it is scary to think that the phase of studying abroad is now coming to an end and it’s time to get a job, settle down and move on.

Second is obviously, change is never easy to accept and it kills to think what the future holds, in every phase of uncertainty.

I can only hope that what’s ahead is as amazing as what’s gone by and I need to make the most of every second while I am here. May be we should live like tourists all our lives, so we’d enjoy our lives a whole lot more, take more chances and risks, speak our hearts and love a little more.

That Sinking Feeling in Dissertation Writing

Yes, we’re all at that point of year (well, some of us), when we prepare to get our theses/ dissertations/ research papers in and not like most, I was quite excited about having to write my very OWN piece of work which will probably be the most important piece of research I have ever done but as we know, it’s not all rainbows and butterflies – not just graduation gowns and distinction certificates; its sleepless nights and thoughtless hiccups.

But as I come to the completion of my work I have started to realise that the hardest part of writing one is not finding the right topic (which too is trick because it’s difficult to find the balance between inspirational and realistic) or the right supervisor (which too is absolutely essential) or the sources. Infact it is the moment when you start to write things in your study which are completely novel and new, which noone has yet spoken of, about or for. I love writing essays – I understand how to structure them, how to make them rock solid by having genuine sources etc – And this practice makes me scared when I start to write something which is not out of any paper, journal or book, for which there could be no reference but my brain. While this feeling is exciting and the sole reason what makes writing your own research project so exciting, at the same time it brings the feeling of self-doubt and fear. Sometimes analysing my results, I think to myself ‘I hope I am not being stupid’ and well it’s a bit unsettling of a feeling.

That apart, I couldn’t be unthankful, I got a wonderful supervisor, a reasonable topic and a smooth journey – hopefully I can finish it off in time and the effort is reflected on the grades and who knows what else!

Milestone: My First Flying Lesson

I have wanted to fly a plane since I can’t even remember when. I think the desire has to do with the fact that my father is a pilot and I have always been awestruck by the sense of freedom and control that flying entails. And I am ecstatic to have finally done it, or atleast have started my journey towards it.


Today I had my first flying lesson at the Elstree Aerodrome in London with Ivan, an instructor from the Flight Training London on the Piper Warrior. I was surprised by the amount of maneuvers he taught me and let me experiment right away. I learnt to take off, climb and decline aircraft altitude, turn on the ground in taxi and in the air and approach for landing. Landing although was tricky and I didn’t do much in that bit, but I didn’t expect to either the first time I flew.

That’s another one checked on my list 🙂